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Aspie Partner sexual issues topic

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  • #11406

    helen580
    Participant

    My Aspie partner and I don’t have sex very often. I’d like to have sex everyday if possible but I understand that’s not realistic and some days I’m tired. But most often I’d like to have it at least once a week or twice a week. We haven’t had any sex in weeks. More than a month, maybe more I’ve lost count of the weeks.
    He says he masterbates every single day. Sometimes several times in a day. I felt odd since we dont have sex that often. I try to initiate things but he just doesn’t feel up to it.
    I brought up the masterbation thing and he said it’s because it’s more of a comfort thing to him than a sexual need.
    Is this due to his Aspergers?
    I’ve just felt so lonely lately. I don’t have many friends of family to go to to ask. Those I do have don’t know of his aspergers and don’t know how that might change things.
    How are aspies usually when it comes to sex?
    I just don’t really know what to do.
    Is it me?

    #11415

    lionlady
    Participant

    Helen,

    I’m sorry – that sounds like a very frustrating situation probably for you both . I guess I would wonder how long you’ve been together and if things of changed radically in recent weeks/months compared to the early part of the relationship.

    Personally I have felt like my boyfriends past frequent masturbation most definitely got in the way of our sexual relationship. Although he seemed to be a little on comfortable with me mentioning for suggesting that he not do that frequently, I explained to him that I have heard that it can change your sensitivity. It can make sex with an actual person (you!!) less pleasurable. After he moved in with me and did less of that (I guess), things improved. I felt as if I was not as desirable as I was in the early part of the relationship because I’m older than he is and I have gained some weight . My sharing my feelings about this helped him to open up about his own recent sexual feelings. he reassured me that I was a sexy as ever and he was still very much attracted to me . However, perhaps because we’re older, there was is an ED issue. we are trying to work through time and issues around out now and that is our current challenge.

    I encourage you to ask him what it would take for him to feel more romantic toward you and for him to accept by that him excluding you it’s hurtful and is eroding your overall relationship .

    LionLady

    #11416

    helen580
    Participant

    Hi Lionlady!

    We’ve been together for a while and have been moved in/living together for two years. We used to have sex everyday and several times a day when we first got together but that’s normal for new couples.

    We are 23 so we’re still young. However we had issues with ED for a while too due to one of his medications. It was a symptom. He changed medication to one without that issue but it hasn’t changed much.

    I’ve brought it up to him and he said “well you only want it when it’s late and I’m tired” but that’s bc we work and get home late and eat then go to bed. What other time would we have?

    One day he sent me a picture (of a certain kind if you get the gist) and I thought, well maybe when I get home we can finally have sex again! As he seemed to be in the mood, but nothing. I tried to start things and he just said “no I’m tired”

    He does show me love in the ways he understands. He can’t always give me touch as that can sometimes be an issue with him due to his Aspergers, but in his own way he’ll try. He’ll do dishes or clean/pick up. Which I do all the chores mainly so it’s a big help. I know he loves me and he stresses that he does. I just don’t know how to bring this specific issue up.

    Last time I did it turned into an argument from his end. Claiming that “I’m never enough, or I never do enough” or “what else do you want from me, I can never make you happy” and he totally misunderstands what I’m saying.

    I know due to his Aspergers that can happen and communication is difficult. Most wont understand that without understanding Aspergers and I just don’t know what to do.

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