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Am I destined to be alone………..in order to cope topic

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  philamisa 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #3210

    mcleodbf1
    Participant

    I am a recently divorced 58 year old father of 2. I have not been diagnosed as an Aspie but have suspected as much for many years. Whatever I am I do not feel to be in the norm for behavior.I need everything in a routine and if things disrupt my routine my anxiety quickly escalates which results in something similar to a temper tantrum. I quickly calm after blowing my lid, feel humiliated and like a hot head emotional failure that cannot stay cool in difficult situations. I have virtually no patients for anything.I find sometimes my comments to my kids, when reflected upon, probably sound condescending and may hurt their self esteem. No matter how hard I watch for signs, eventually I miss one and blow up. It can be over a simple comment or finding clothing on the floor. I am to a point where I do not trust my reactions in most situations so would rather keep to myself. I feel like no one understands me and with this I have no chance for a stable relationship. I love the warmth of human contact but struggle with actual friendship and interaction. I live in the Tampa area. If anyone knows of a group where I might discuss my situation with other Aspie’s please reach out.

    #3274

    philamisa
    Participant

    I have only just seen this site, but am so sorry that no one has replied to your post. It is clearly heartfelt and honest and you are reaching out: I feel what you are saying. I don’t live in your area (but bizarrely have recently been looking for a place maybe to buy in Florida). You will probably not log back in; I don’t think I would, but I hope you do if even to know that someone answered. I am (a woman) about your age, originally from the U.S, but currently living in England, and although I don’t have a formal diagnosis, there is no doubt that I am also an Aspie – we are often very misunderstood creatures, are we not? It’s been about a decade since I discovered the reasons for my clear difference from others since childhood, and I have been alone for a number of years now: I always say it will always be that way and resign myself to it, but lately I have thought also about the warmth of human contact that I love but feel destined to stay as I am. I also don’t trust myself in most situations and hence isolate myself from most of them, even though I personally have become ridiculously docile in the presence of others. I actually think it absurd that we try to morph our behaviors to more closely match those of the others around us when often we find those behaviors not to be the most ideal ones, so I have recently thought that it would be good to be around others that think more similarly to me, but I can’t find them. I hope that you have found support and interaction.

    #3279

    mcleodbf1
    Participant

    Thank you so much for the kind words. I had forgotten this post. My life has not changed much other than I am more accepting of my situation and I do see the people around me that although different from me, care and have not abandoned me because of my differences. I recently connected with a woman friend but we are too far apart in age and I know it is not right for me. But what it did do was remind me how much I love feeling a warm embrace and passionate kiss. The feeling of intimate contact and acceptance. I have done better with my flare ups but they are still there. Took a seminar today and will start every morning with meditation and envisioning a day of positive joy. And decided to never give up trying to identify my triggers and training myself to take and action that will stop my escalations. If you ever make it to Tampa I would be happy to meet you. Seems like we might have a chance to understand each other. I hope all is moving in the right direction for you. And I understand your point of not wanting to be like everyone else. I feel the same. But I would still like to feel like I belong and am accepted.

    Best regards

    #3280

    philamisa
    Participant

    Hi mcleodbf1,

    Thank you for your reciprocal response to my post, and well done for starting the meditation practice.

    I’m glad you at least had some contact with someone and were reminded of what that’s like. I almost did recently, but, like in your case there was a large age difference (he’s a lot younger), and most definitely not right for me, even though at first it seemed that we had things in common. It has been many years for me since I have been close to anyone, so I strongly considered succumbing to his overtures but, and this is the reason that I am doing the uncomfortable thing of talking about this particular thing: The conversations and texts were utterly unsatisfying. Is that because of my Asperger’s? I think it likely that that is a big factor. (I could and probably should expound here, but I will leave that for now.) No matter how hard I tried to really communicate (and I probably tried too hard) it was clear that there was no good understanding between us – no meeting of the minds, and hence no growing of any sort of non-physical closeness that to me has been an essential precursor to anything physical (well, in the last number of years anyway – in which nothing has happened for me romantically or physically:). For decades I was unaware of my fundamental differences and very naively entered into relationships that weren’t right for me. None were right for me. I look back on my life, so clearly alone now, but also so very very alone in the relationships I was in.

    That is not at all encouraging, is it 🙂 For me now, any connection in any way to anyone who is similar to me or may understand me is so valuable, but so difficult to find. Even this exchange of words is significant to me.

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